If I were Tinubu, By Phrank Shaibu

If I were Tinubu….

I would forgive the white lion.

After all, he isn’t an ordinary lion.

He is a white lion and white, they say, is a symbol of peace and purity,humility, innocence, and silence.

This white lion is peaceful! Remember, he had to excavate the highway to Natasha Akpoti’s hometown just to prevent terrorists from attacking the distinguished Senator. Even his signature ‘tatatatatatata’, I heard, is a language of peace! This white lion is innocent because the EFCC said he took only N80.2billion …One ‘chikini’ amount that cannot construct more than 16 kilometres of the Lagos-Calabar Coastal High way?

If I were Tinubu….

I would live up to the spirit of the Bat.

I would only dare the white lion and put it in a cage instead of allowing the EFCC to waste taxpayers’ money chasing it.

I wouldn’t wait for the cover of night to spread my wings and fly in chase of the white lion of Kogi.

A white lion. How has it become that a lion hides under the shrubs of flowers?

And you little flower (ododo)…

Soon, I shall pluck you at midday and let you whither.

A white lion running from a bat at the open plains of the Serengeti.

It’s a jungle so brutal. But the white lion has no hiding place.

Fast at it runs, the colour of its skin (his crime) betrays him: white lion – what a pity!

If I were Tinubu….

I would run after the white lion and take my pound of flesh from him!

How dare he! How dare he supplant himself as the Lord of Lord Lugard House when the keys to the palace rightfully belonged to my protégé in the House of Representatives?

Oh white lion…

You have climbed the tree beyond the peak of its fronds.

Fall! You shall.

If I were Tinubu…

This white lion… I shall catch you and set the pike for others of your kind to see the reward of going against my whims.

Other lions, like you, shall see how brutal I am in my retribution.

Oh white lion….

Run fast as you can, but I won’t discharge so many frills to get hold of you.

If I were Tinubu…

I would ask a certain hunter in my SGF office to lay a little trap for you.

A little trap. And a white lion is ensnared.

Why waste all the glamour and paraphernalia of my majestic throne to run after a little white lion? A certain local hunter would be enough to catch and bring you to my justice, Oh white lion.

Shaibu, a teacher and public communication advisor to former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar, is from Kogi state.