We heal differently when a relationship or marriage comes to an end. And because of that, a part of us tends to wipe out any good deeds of our partner.
No one is completely bad from 0 to 100. There will always be one or two things they did in the past that makes us smile no matter the amount of hatred we brew up for them cos they hurt us.
I could choose to hate my Ex from now till eternity but you know what? Anytime I remember how he gave me bed bath close to a month after the breakdown of my CS, I smile and my heart blesses him.
Taught him how a thorough bed bath is done as a nurse and he learnt and delivered it perfectly. Even when I purposely stretch out my hands that’s closest to him while he’s bathing me; he jokingly tell me, “Olodo, I’ll dip this sponge into your mouth, I’m supposed to wash your farthest Arm first”.
You see; when we are hurt by someone we love, it takes a lot of strength and grace not to cross to the other side of hatred.
I used to say something, “No man or woman, while dancing and genuinely happy on his/her wedding prays that the marriage comes to an end within a short while”.
We all dream of living with our loved one or partner till we take our last breath. We pray and wish that he/she is our first and last bus stop especially in the institution of marriage.
However, not all of us gets the satisfaction of that. The healing process takes time I must confess. It’s very easy for us to say things like, “Move on, let it go, get over it and the likes” to people coming out from either an abusive relationship or not just working marriage but do you think it’s actually an ABC thing to do?
A part of them wants to yell, scream, shout, jump up and down just to channel out their Anger. Don’t tell them to repress it cos that’s dangerous. You don’t want to slowly create a monster.
You see; we all need wisdom when giving our one kobo advise to people hurting. Do you know that if care is not taken, you’ll almost want to cut the head of the other partner off after listening to what his/her half must have told you.
It’s very easy to take sides and be judgemental but above all, carefully dissect all you’ve heard or been told and apply wisdom when it comes to talking about a failed relationship or marriage.